


Save Room for Dessert!

by TeamGwenee



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Horror, dark humour, halloween fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 15:40:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16478309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Dinner parties at Cersei's are always a nightmare. This one in particular is a nightmare. The company is dull, the hostess is absent and the food...well the food is inedible.





	Save Room for Dessert!

For a five-star meal, the food was disappointing in the least.

“The problem is,” Brienne muttered as she scraped strawberry jam off her roast pork, “Is that the cooks just have to be c _lever_ with food. They can’t just make it tasty. No, they need it to be ‘bold’ and ‘daring’ and something never made before!” She scowled as she accidentally bit into a caramel covered anchovy. “If it has never been done before, perhaps it was for good reason.”

Jaime shook his head and tutted. “You are just unused to the finer things in life. Stick with me kid and we will have you dining on foi gras with white chocolate drizzle in no time.” He discretely spat a mouthful into his napkin. “We will go to the chippy after this.”

Brienne smiled lightly at the thought of herself and Jaime tucking into a greasy paper bag of chips whilst dressed in designer gear. Jaime in his white tie tuxedo, Brienne in the silk jumpsuit Jaime had brought for her. So amused was she by the sight, she put absentmindedly put her fork in her mouth and swallowed a great mouthful. Her eyes burned, and Jaime quickly passed her a glass of water to wash away the taste.

“I’m sorry,” he said, almost sincerely, “The food at Cersei’s parties are never great, but she really took the cake with this one.”

Brienne looked mournfully at her plate. She feared for dessert, and what Cersei’s chefs might do to her precious cake. She attended these parties for Jaime’s sake, hoping that in doing so he could restore his previous closeness with his twin. So far, these attempts proved fruitless, with hostilities only growing as Brienne and Jaime’s wedding day approached.

“Bad enough that she insists we come to these parties,” Jaime grumbled, “But then she keeps disappearing and leaves us to finish this muck. Where has she gone to now? Off to sort out some ice sculpture emergency?”

Brienne’s eyes widened in dread as another course was brought, looking suspiciously like filets of trout wrapped in liquorice.

“I don’t think I can handle much more of this,” Brienne confided into Jaime’s ear as her plate was set before her.

Jaime quickly checked over his shoulder, before gathering his and Brienne’s plate and tipping the contents onto Cersei’s own.

“Now that’s a good idea!” Tyrion declared, having turned up late and grateful at having missed the chicken and strawberry course, and the spaghetti and pig eyes that came before.

He too swiftly tipped his plate over, letting the food splatter on Cersei’s now overflowing platter.

“Seeing as she likes the toxic stuff so much,” he said with a rakish grin. “What is this charity dinner in benefit of again? The ‘feed Cersei Lannister’s ego’ foundation?”

“For just a five hundred dragon ticket, you too can help Cersei Lannister’s overblown sense of worth last for six months!” Jaime laughed as they settled back into their seats.

“She still hasn’t returned,” Brienne noted. “You’re right. I don’t see any reason why we should stay if Cersei can’t even be bothered to stay herself.”

“Give it another five minutes and go?” Jaime suggested.

“I propose two,” Tyrion said.

Jaime nodded. “Even better.” He smiled at Brienne and laid a hand on her thigh. “I think we should have an early night in, don’t you Wench?”

Brienne jerked her leg away from Jaime’s lecherous hand. “You promised me chips first!” she snapped.

They were just about to make their escape as Cersei swept back into the dining room in all her red satin and killer heeled glory. She gave gracious nod to the despairing trio before tucking into her dinner with gusto, not seeming to notice that it was over thrice the size of everyone else’s.

Cersei eyed up Brienne and Jaime and Tyrion’s plates and leant forward, whispering beneath the clatter of glasses and cutlery and the murmur of polite chatter.

“Finished already?” she asked with a toothy smile, “Enjoyed it?”

“Very much.” Brienne nodded politely.

“Yes, I love this caterer’s dishes. Always such bold tastes. Although,” Cersei said, looking down at her plate thoughtfully, “One does run the risk of having one ingredient overpower the other.” She looked up again, her voice soft but her smile sharp. “Indeed, it is surprising what can be disguised in Avant Garde dishes such as these.” She took another large mouthful, relishing in the chaos of flavours.

“Indeed.” Jaime nodded, tapping his fingers against the mahogany table with elegant boredom. His other hand slipped under the table and took its place on Brienne’s knee, giving it an affectionate squeeze. His eyes flickered towards her and he winked. _‘Soon.’_ His twinkling eyes seemed to promise.

“Do try not to grope your pet in public, dear brother,” Cersei hissed.

“Apologies, sweet sister,” Jaime said obligingly, not removing his hand. “Oops, tried and failed.”

“Jaime.” Brienne glared.

“That is just like you.” Cersei put down her knife and fork. “Fawning over that beast of a bride and our wretched brother, no thought of me. I suppose you don’t remember how when we were young, we swore to feel no greater love than the one we felt for each other.”

“Cersei,” Jaime said warningly, checking over his shoulder to ensure no one was listening.

“We said that we would always be together. That we were born together, and we will die together. That we could never live without the other. Well clearly, you can.” Cersei sat up and tilted her chin, her quiet voice firm and proud. “And so can I. As you will soon see.”

“Cersei?” Jaime asked, “What have you done?”

Cersei smiled and returned to her loaded plate. “Delicious.” She sighed in pleasure. “Yes, it is funny what can be concealed in such flavourful dishes. The strangest of ingredients. Take your meals for example, I had them prepared especially.”

The blood drained from Jaime’s face and Brienne felt his hand grip desperately at her own. Tyrion sat frozen, shaking his head.

“Oh Cersei?” Jaime groaned, tears prickling his eyes. “Oh Cersei, What have you done you _fool_?”

“Such a funny ingredient. One has to be careful with the portion sizes.” Cersei took another delicate bite, the tip of her pink tongue flicking out and licking her painted lips. “If all is well, you should slip off peacefully, with little pain. But of course…” Her smile grew, dimpling her cheeks, “With aberrations such as my beloved brother and future good sister, it can be so hard to get the right quantity. I have been told that the most unfortunate side effects can occur, and the entire process can turn most unpleasant.”

Cersei used her knife to scrape up the last of her quadruple sized dinner. Jaime jerkily jumped from his seat and batted her fork away from Cersei’s mouth, sending it clattering to the ground. Silence fell, all guests turning toward the twins with delighted shock.

“Brother, such rudeness.” Cersei admonished him. “My chefs put such effort into your dinner, this course in particular. Did you not enjoy it?”

“No Cersei,” Jaime said hoarsely, “I did not. None of us did. We put it all on your plate. None of us ate a single bite.”

Cersei’s mouth opened into a perfect ‘oh’ of surprise, a light stream of blood trickling down her chin as she looked down in blank horror at her empty plate.


End file.
